What did you do in Portland, Jess?

I went shopping.

Yes, on Wednesday, my second proper day in Portland, I discovered the Lloyd Center and didn't look back.

But let's look back for a moment, at the highlights of the past three days:

Wednesday

I woke up with Kev at about 7am so we could have complimentary breakfast goether before he nicked off to OSCON. Well! I would have been quite happy to never leave the Arcadian Gardens Room ever again - the eye-popping range of foods available were, well, eye-popping! Pancakes, tater-tots, scrambled eggs, french toast, custom eggs, custom omelets, fresh fruit, yoghurt, toast, scones, bagels, muffins, jams, jellies, juices, soft drinks, teas and coffees, cereals... And I've probably only covered about 50% of the choices I was faced with. From memory, I had tater-tots, scones (with jam and butter), a bagel (see scone toppings), an apple, lots of apple juice, and I tried to eat a tub of strawberry yoghurt but it was far too sugary.

Kev then went off to the geek-fest and I went back to bed til noon. This became the norm for the stay in Portland.

I then headed off, as planned, to the Japanese Gardens to do some study. When I reached Washington Park, I looked on a map and the Japanese Gardens were a fair hike from the train stop. I already had small blisters from my sandals and it was a stinking hot day. So I decided to park my buttocks under a tree near the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, and spent an hour reading my Drama reader. I had to keep shifting into the shade cos the pesky sun was trying to have its way with me.

After a while I was feeling way too hot so I packed it in and hopped back on the train. I planned to go to the Chinese Gardens but upon arrival I see that there's an entry fee of $7. Guess what my response was to that? So since I'm close already, I head out to the shopping centre, the Lloyd Center, near the convention centre Kev is at, cos I want to buy t-shirts.

A summary of the randomness of that day:

• I was asked to do a paid survey about mascara. We get through all the screening questions and then the bright spark tells me that she'll give me a mascara and I'm to come back in a week and do another survey... After laughing off her embarrassment when I tell her I won't be in the country next week, we go and do a potato chip packaging survey (snore) which takes 30 minutes because she's new (double snore). She gives me $5 and I tell her that all American potato chips are crap and she should import Red Rock Deli chippies.
  
  
• I buy an uber-cutesy top from a trashy store call Rave or something, and the shopgirl coos about my accent and "just has to ask" whether massive spiders really live in our shoes. I fight the temptation and set her straight, though I do mention the huntsman with a 30cm diameter we found on our window one day. I show her its size with my hands, to which she almost squeals, "Is that just its body???"
  
  
• I find a somewhat trashy store and manage to scoop up 4 tops that are cheap and look half-decent on me. Everything over here is mega-skimpy, mega-long and/or mega-transparent. Also, big breasts must be unheard of in the Caucasian community, since most tops are cut and detailed in ways that only really fit, well, boys. This would also explain the reaction of some men to my singlet top...
  

Malls stay open until 9pm here, so I finished shopping at about 7:30pm, which felt like 5pm to me, just by the fact that I was shopping and all... Got home late, and Kev and I had room service for the second night in a row. Disappointing, twice.

Best thing of the day: I SAW A SQUIRREL!!! Shame I don't have a camera... It kinda looked like a rat with a frothy tail and subtle cuteness dressing. I would say I want one, but the piggies are cuter.

Thursday

Scones, tater-tots and juice for brekkie, then snoozing til 1:30pm or something equally ludicrous. I thought about going to the Portland Brewer's Festival but the map I have suggests that it's a long walk, and it's already hot out. So I go somewhere with guaranteed A/C - the Lloyd Center.

• Ever since I lived at Farrer Hall, I always associated ultra-faded blue jeans with hot American girls. So Wednesday was my "find great-fitting almost-white jeans or die trying" day. I tried Sears, I tried American Eagle, blah blah blah, and then I find Aeropostale. I don't have any clue whether Aeropostale is cool or junky, but it's very American - close-fitting sporty ('preppy'?) clothes. After a slightly hilarious discussion with the shopgirl about sizes (it only works if you hear it), I find THE JEANS. I try them on, scared that the marked size is going to prove too small, but they're not too small at all. They're snug (but stretch jeans always give a bit) and low-riding but they're SO CUTE that I have to have them! So I hide them at the bottom of the pile and go away to think about it - they're marked at $50, so...
  
  
• I go next door into Torrid, a plus-size store that has an incredible goth range but everything else is really chunky and shapeless, and most stuff doesn't have my size (I'm a zero???).
  
  
• Motivated by the existence of a store in which everything is too big for me, I go back and buy the jeans. Along the way I notice a "$20 off the tagged price" sign, so yay!
  
  
• I do my good turn for the day - I go to Subway for lunch and the girl who has just paid for her meal forgets her drink, which the shopgirl is pouring. The shopgirl realises and starts hollering "EXCUSE ME" in a way that I think only an American can, but the customer doesn't notice. After a few rounds of screams I go over to the customer and let her know she forgot her drink. Does she thank me? Heck no. But I feel like a good sheila anyway.
  
  
• I get to double-dip on good samaritanism: while eating my lunch in a lounge above the ice rink in the shopping mall, an African-American girl about my age asks a lady sitting next to me if she can "write some things" on her phone for her. The lady doesn't know how to sms so the girl looks to me and I wave her over. She gets me to type out "applications are on the computers" and she then takes the phone back and stays by me while she types out "if u are going for a job here". She had trouble spelling "are", quite an awkward experience for me as she sort of shouted at her phone trying to write the word. She offers to me "Is A-R 'are'?" so I help her. She then finishes her message and walks off, slipping me a muffled "thank you" as she leaves.
  

I feel like a swim, but decide to wait for Kev. I watch crap TV in the meantime, but while I flip channels I spot a familiar face - Dan O'Connor, who I met last year during Spontaneous Global Combustion. I watch the last part of his commercial for 'Dial', possibly some sort of manly ashershave or something. Very odd ad - all I remember are men standing the background chanting "manly men" or something...

Kev's gets home late, we go for dinner at "Schmick & McCormick's Seafood Restaurant" - excellent clam chowder, crap calamari. We're then too full to swim, so we watch X-Files and go to sleep.

Friday

Ooooh, our final day in Portland, what should I do?? Should I go to the Brewer's Festival, even without any intention to pay for and therefore drink beer? Or should I fork out $7 to see the Chinese Gardens which I shunned on Wednesday?

I go shopping.

But first I have breakfast (scones and tater-tots again) and sleep until 11:30am (better...). I then pack our bags up all nice, and watch some sort of sitcom channel (back-to-back Drew Carey followed by back-to-back Yes Dear followed by Home Improvement, which was probably also back-to-back...) by which time it is 1pm, and Kev is supposed to be home at 1:30-2pm. So I decide to wait for him and we'd go to the Lloyd Center together to buy light shoes to match my light jeans.

At 2:10pm Kev calls to say he's taken a Geek High Priest to lunch and he'll be done in about an hour.

Considerate, huh?

So we plan to meet at 3pm outside the Lloyd Center. I manage to scope out the shoes before I go back out to meet Kev. We go back in and I buy pink shoes.

I own pink shoes.

Then we go to Denny's because I really wanted to go to some ultra-American burger place while I still could. I was impressed, since I was expecting a McDonalds-esque fast food place. But this place was much nicer (still white trash, but eh) and I even got to have a specialty soft drink mixer called a Fizzy Navel. Oooh, and an "only in America" peanut butter pie! And I also had a cheeseburger.

So now we're back at the hotel, Kev is snoozing off his post-geek-orgy low. We're going to check out Theatresports at The Brody Theater if they're not sold out, and I also want to get in a swim before we leave, but bathers drying time is getting shorter and shorter... Might have to wait until we're at the Hawk Lake cottage in Canada, which isn't such a bad thing.

Our flight tomorrow is at 6am so that will be... interesting...